There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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