Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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