its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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