I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
