hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
