gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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