I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
