Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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