I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
