Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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