i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
