so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
