so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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