You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
