I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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