Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
