I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
