I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
