Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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