Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
