tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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