remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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