Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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