She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
