Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
