Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sext me about skeletons
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
