Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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