remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
