Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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