My first STD was from a foam party
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
