I saw his package. It spoke to me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
