Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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