i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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