I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
