Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
