There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
