pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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