Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
