dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
