I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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