Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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