some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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