The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You pole danced in your parka.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
