You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
