why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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