Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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