There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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