Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
