Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
