Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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