Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
