Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
