Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
