and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
