Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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