he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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