Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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