I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
