I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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