hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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