It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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