I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
