Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
