i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
