my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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