Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
