so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
