I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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