She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
