It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
