I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
