if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
