New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
