You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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