i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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