I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
