Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize