There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
