Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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