Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
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I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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